I realized something important in my life: the unfreeness I experience is a product of my own decisions.
Right now, I am starting a new company.
Within me, there is a part that tells me I need to work harder than anyone else, and that everything else is less important than making this company work. It insists I cannot take the liberty of spending an afternoon studying philosophy or writing music.
An interpretation of this is that I have created a mental prison for myself, and this generates the feeling of unfreeness in my life. I’m sure many founders can relate. But I came to realize that this is (obviously) a product of my own choices.
When I trace it back, there are two drivers at play leading to the decisions I made in the past weeks.
First, it’s interpersonal relationships: I have a story I’m telling myself that if I don’t show up in this self-sacrificing version of myself, the people on my team will lose excitement, drive, and motivation.
Second, it’s expectations: I want to fulfill the hopes of my co-founder and investors, and make sure I impress them.
But these two reasons are obviously not a good justification for putting yourself in an unfree position (although surely many can relate).
My best work—and my greatest contribution when playing long-term games with long-term people—happens when I’m well-balanced and enjoying what I do to the fullest extent. When I show up refreshed and inspired, I’m a more powerful version of myself. Taking an afternoon to study philosophy or make music actually allows me to show up with more excitement and energy the next day.
Ironically, refusing to take that time only leads to a less optimal outcome.
I operate in a world where effort or time is not rewarded, but effectiveness and outcomes are. My actions should reflect that.
Future Louis, please read this again when you feel unfree. It’s a product of your own choices.